To all the priests I've ever loved

Last year, alone on a Friday night, I used the last of an expiring data pack to stream the movie every 13-year-old girl was talking about: To All the Boys I’ve Ever Loved. Worth it? Not exactly, and definitely not in comparison to the virus-inducing streaming of the final season of Veep. My aging computer will never be the same.

In a culture dominated by the importance of marriage, and young marriage at that, and the never-ending conversations surrounding my love life (How many boyfriends do you have? You don’t have three boyfriends? You are dating that one other white man who we saw the one time he changed buses at our bus stop, yes? What about the white man doing research in the village? Oh, he has a wife? But you aren’t his girlfriend? You are dating your coworker, Justin, yes? No, are you sure? You will marry a Rwandan man? You will become a Rwandan? No? Why would you want to return to America? Etc.), I have eyes for only a few men in my village: The Priests.

Although “having eyes” is clearly an overstatement, sometimes it really does feel like we are dating. Rewind to my site announcement and finding out I was working at a Catholic Health Center, and I can honestly say that priests were not high on the list of things at site I was excited about. Priests fell squarely into the category of “Not to Be Trusted”, alongside street meat, BART, fraternity boys (won’t name specific houses but we all remember) and my old truck’s gas meter. Never would I voluntarily spend my time with priests, and never, ever, would I be caught dead alone with them. Or so I thought.

October 2019, I’m older and wiser and it turns out, the priests are fun as hell. They love to drink beer, any hour of the day or night of the week, and because they are rich and have a fridge, sometimes it is even cold. Want to go to the nice, beach bar a few miles down the road for fish, chicken and fries? They probably do too! And they’ll pay – fingers crossed not with money from the offering. There’s a match on? It’s on their TV, and you’re invited. Want to go to a huge blow-out party with free food and flowing wine? You’ll have to go to Mass first, but chances are, it’s at the priests’ house and there will be live music (a priest band, nonetheless). Best yet, they love to speak English and are interesting, funny and engaging.

I am constantly told that priests are like soldiers. They go where they are assigned, and often leave with only a few days’ notice. Below is a tribute to each of the priests who have worked at my parish in the last year – who have welcomed me into their home, their hearts and their community. I adore each and every one of them in a genuine and different way, and am in constant awe of their commitment to their work and community, faith and strength in spirituality, and the kindness, warmth, friendship and love they have shown me over the last year.

Padiri Damascene: The Original “Padiri Mukuru” (Head Priest)

He is the first Padiri Mukuru I knew. I figured he would be here for my entire service, so imagine my shock when about a month in, I was told I would leave work early, to watch him fill a truck with his modest belongings and pile into a van to accompany him to his new parish. Based on the size of his goodbye party, it was clear how loved he was in our community and parish.

Padiri Placidi: The Best Bud

This is the hardest to write, because Placidi holds the most special place in my heart of any priest, and almost anyone in Rwanda. He has grown on me considerably since arriving in Hanika. I was skeptical at first, but think this had to do with my belief that priests are Not to Be Trusted. He is the only priest that has been at our parish my entire service and he is a fixture, always driving up and down the hill in his RAV4. In the last year, I have seen him walking outside only two times. Bougie! We first became close, when for my birthday, he gave me Jesus fabric that he traveled to the Congo to buy. I thanked him profusely, and he looked at me confused and said, “You told me to.” It is fitting of our friendship.

Ever since, Placidi has been a best friend to me. He always invites me to hang out, takes me to run errands, and treats me like an equal. One of my greatest struggles here is feeling included, especially in group settings. Placidi has never made me feel different or like a chore. He always invites me to sit with him at events, keeps my wine glass full, and talks about his dreams of going to America to evangelize. All the men will be priests, and all the girls will be nuns (his words, not mine). When I told him that I lived in a house with 68 other girls in college, he told me it was just like being a nun (I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was just about the opposite) and ever since has decided I should, in fact, be a nun. He has also told me that he is praying I will find a nice man to marry, and that I will give birth to four children at once. He makes me belly laugh, roll my eyes and cry about one day leaving. He is the brother I never had, and the beauty of getting baptized as an adult, is my chosen Godfather. He is also my personal Uber driver, and loves to sing along to Pink and Faith Hill. He will come to America to officiate my wedding one day, you heard it here first.

Padiri Theodore: The One That Got Away

Theodore is trouble with a capital T. He is a ham, always cracking jokes during Mass, and dirty jokes at the dinner table. He is the loudest, always the center of attention and loves being around other people. He legitimately has a permanent twinkle in his eye, a visible symbol of his acknowledgement that he is toeing the line of what is considered appropriate behavior for a priest. Have I glanced at his phone (minutes after Mass) and seen some, shall we say, dirty content? Yep. Did he constantly invite me to spend the night at their home, and remind me that he was very, very comfortable with his vow of celibacy? Also, yes.

But Theodore was all love – when my family came to visit, he hosted us at their home and gave us a tour and history of the Parish. He often reminded me afterward what wonderful parents I have, and my mom has reminded me more than once afterward, that it is “too bad he is a priest”. Trust me, Mom, I agree. Theodore is wildly intelligent, speaks a handful of languages, all beautifully, and loves to talk about his education, theology and philosophy. Theodore recently left to study for three years in Rome. The opportunity of a lifetime for him, but we miss him dearly. He hangs out at the Vatican and has seen the Pope multiple times, so I’m sure he doesn’t miss us too much.

Padiri Damien: The Goofy One

Damien is plain old goofy. I often find myself looking at him with furrowed brows, confused by his joke or his language. I hate when people make fun of my Kinyarwanda, and I would never make fun of his English. He makes up for his average command of the English language with the utmost confident, and a huge smile and a punch line that doesn’t always make sense. He has been an inspiration to me in my language learning – if you aren’t sure, act like you are! He is so silly, and funny, and I have never seen him be truly serious. He saved me from a particularly long day, the opening of his new parish, sneaking me out of a five-hour mass for fried food and soda. He is a saint, and at the end of that day, when I learned he wasn’t coming home with us, I nearly started sobbing on the spot. Fear not, he never misses a party, and is always around!

Padiri Theoneste: Padiri Mukuru Wanjye (My Head Priest)

He always calls me, Grace Wacu, meaning our Grace, and he will always be Padiri Mukuru Wanjye, My Head Priest. He is a listener – the others are loud and boisterous, but he chooses his words and thoughts carefully. It always felt like he was the adult of the group, the rest of us just kids staying up too late and being too loud. His voice is quiet, soothing, and overall, priestly. Since the minute I found out he was leaving, and told him I was sad that he wouldn’t be at our parish anymore, he has told me every time he has seen me that he will come back to see me for my baptism in January. He is committed to my induction into the Catholic Church, and think he feels partially responsible. His earthly work is complete!

Padiri Justin: The One Giving The OG’s a Run for Their Money

Justin is our newest head priest, and he is the total and complete package. He is absolutely hilarious but is quiet and doesn’t take up too much space. He is a man of few words, choosing them wisely and deliberately. Many Rwandans love to give lengthy speeches and prayers, requiring everyone stand up and stop talking. At the nuns’ St. Francis of Assisi Day celebration, he was asked to pray for he group. After choosing the spot on the couch next to me, he didn’t even think about standing up to pray. He made himself comfortable, pulling the cushions off and sitting directly on the wood bench (weird), fell asleep mid-party sitting up, and made absolute sure that I was served a drink and food before everyone else. His permanent look can best be described as “smirking”. Watch out boys, Justin will be my new favorite in no time.

Padiri Alphonse: The New One

Alphonse is new, he is young, and I am pretty sure he is getting the short end of the stick at the parish these days. There is early mass every Sunday at our parish, starting at 7:30, and late mass at our satellite parishes, starting after 10:00. Guess who has performed every early mass since his arrival? You bet it is Alphonse. He is young, and always seems a little bit nervous, but this is one of the things we love about him!

Padiri Eugenie: The Cute One

I said it! He is cute, and that is undeniable. He gave his first Mass in our parish, and our priests hosted his “coming out party”. I skipped work, got unintentionally quite drunk for a Monday, and we danced all afternoon. It was one of my favorite days of service!

Padiri Galikani (#1): The One Who is Always Still Around

I don’t know how, when, or where I met him, but I feel like I run into him everywhere. Galikani might have worked at our Parish when I came for site visit, or he may have just been at a party or Mass. But ever since, I see him everywhere. On the road, on the bus, at a holiday. He is always kind, friendly and wears the trendiest blue Ray Ban glasses. I recently saw him on the road by my home (hours from where he works), and he gave me the biggest hug and smile. I found out the next day that he was in town for his uncle’s funeral service, which I would have never known from his positive, upbeat greeting.

Padiri Galikani (#2): The One in France

Galikani works in France but grew up down the road from my village. On his recent trip home, we went and got chicken, they made me eat the gizzard, and he told me he liked Trump. I still like him, but hey, I am the grandchild of Bill and Alberta Youngdale, so nothing about a little conservatism that I can’t handle.

Everyone else: The Other Ones

Priests often come out in droves. They are loyal, and they are a really interesting model of friendship and community. And of course, they never miss a party. This week, Bishops are coming to the Vatican from all over the world and will discuss the potential of married priests. I like to push my priests’ buttons, and have pressed them on this topic, as well as other equally controversial topics, including the rampant abuse of children and nuns by priests and their beliefs surrounding family planning and development. Hey! Change from the inside, right? Well, they are adamant that married priests will not solve the sins and crisis of the Church, and that it would ruin their unique community. Initially of the belief that married priests could be a viable solution for some of the Church’s most inherent problems, getting to peripherally witness the strength and distinctiveness of their brotherhood, although still not sure I agree, I can understand why they feel that way.

It is a flawed system, historically and presently exceptionally so, and there are bad priests in Rwanda, just as there are around the world. However, living and working side-by-side has changed the way I see and judge their community. To all the priests I have ever loved – murakoze cyane!