A step-by-step guide to Rwandan parties

This post is inspired by the party I attended for my (favorite) friend Justin, who graduated this week from Kibogora Polytechnic University with a degree in Biomedical Sciences. We are all proud of Justin, but not as proud as he is of himself. As it should be!

Step 1: The Invitation

As foreigners in our communities, Peace Corps Volunteers are often invited to attend parties, events and other types of celebrations. We were warned during training that invitations can become overwhelming and that it is okay to turn down some invites. However, social events are also a great way to integrate and meet new people, and volunteers are often caught between wanting to integrate within communities and knowing that a nearly day long even lies in their future.

The invitation process varies. I was recently handed a wedding invitation for one of my coworkers - a beautiful invitation - but he literally wrote my name on the envelope in front of my face using a blue Bic pen before proudly presenting it. Other times I don’t actually realize I am attending parties until I arrive. What I expect is a dinner invitation is really a full mass, drinks, dinner and socializing well into the night hours.

Step 2: The Greeting

Greetings are incredibly important in Rwanda, and it is considered rude not to stand and greet all other guests with a handshake and “Hello, how are you?”. It is also a good time to get a feal for what type of situation you are really getting yourself into, what guests have arrived, and if any of your pals are in attendance.

Step 3: The Welcome Speech

Every party I have attended starts off with a welcome speech. This is often given by the host, but may also be a co-host, close friend or family member. The speech lets people know what the party is for - you would think they all already know, but this comes in handy for those of us who speak very little Kinyarwanda and sometimes don’t even realize we are at parties until they have already started. The refresher can be helpful! If I can understand and am listening, of course.

We recently had our Inter-Service Training, and during one of the presentations the Peace Corps staff member forgot to include the objectives of the training session. He apologized to the group for not including what is essentially the agenda of the session, and I naively said no problem. My counterpart looks at me and quickly informed me that it was a problem, and that everyone needs to know what to expect. I think this is a similar principle to the welcome speech.

Step 4: The Introductions

Is it a Rwandan party if every single guest isn’t introduced? Is it?

The host of the party, or a designated other person (typically the person who gave the welcome speech) stands up, and introduces everyone in the room. When it is your turn, you stand up and everyone claps - on beat I will add - and makes a little “wooohoooyyoooowooooo” noise. This is also a great time to pick of a name or two that you have forgotten since the greeting.

Step 5: Drinks

Every party has the exact same beverage offering. Somebody walks into the room with a crate of assorted beers and sodas, and takes orders and opens bottles for every individual. The nuns homebrew pineapple booze, which offers a fun alternative to the usual Mutzig and Fanta Citron. At this party, the family provided the large 500ml Fanta and CocaCola bottles. My boss, Sister Beata, took one look at the bottles, giggled under her breath, and uttered one word: Ritco. If you live in Rwanda, trust me - you’ll get this joke.

Step 6: Food

The food is also almost always the same. No Rwandan meal is complete without a variety of starches: ibitoki, potatoes, french fries, rice, cassava, etc. There is typically a vegetable, often small bitter green eggplants. Lastly, celebrations call for meat - with the nuns or priests, I can often count on chicken or beef. Any other party, and I know I will be choking down a piece of goat to be polite. Don’t forget the toothpick at the end of the buffet line! It is completely acceptable to pick all the goat out of your teeth while digesting.

The strangest thing I have noticed is that during meal time there is very little chatter. This is a time for focused, intense eating. Plates are stacked high and it takes some concentration to finish the copious amounts of food. For context, at mealtime with the nuns, we chat through the entire meal - believe it or not, silent eating is reserved for parties.

Step 7: Speeches

This is also the part of the party where I tend to start losing my mind. By the time the speeches roll around, we’ve all consumed our food and drink of choice. I am in a food, drink and Kinyarwanda induced coma. The room is getting hot. Sweltering. I can literally feel my eyelids become heavy and start to close. All the important people give speeches. At Justin’s party, it started with his best friend and roommate, then his uncle, his father, and Sister Beata. Then, of course, as I am really starting to doze - literally, all I can think about is how comfortable their couch is and wondering if I can afford one on my Peace Corps budget - I hear my name.

For some reason, I knew this was coming. Justin’s mom, sister, brother and brother-in-law didn’t give speeches. But of course, force the American to give a speech - in Kinyarwanda. I stood up, chuckled and muttered “okay”, launching into a brief spiel, Spark Notes below.

I told the group that my name is Grace, I am an American and work with Justin at the community health center. I noted that I have only been in Rwanda for 6 months and am learning Kinyarwanda, but am trying - a disclaimer that always needs to be made. I note that I am new to Rwanda and Justin is a very good friend to me. At this point, I looked around and noticed that the room had filled. All the women who had previously been working in the kitchen came out to see the Muzungu speak in Kinyarwanda. I continued but noting that in English we have many words to describe people - in Kinyrwanda, I know one word: “mwiza”. This is an all-encompassing word for good, kind, beautiful, nice. But, I added, that Justin is not only good, but a good friend and a good example of a child of God. He is always happy and funny. “When we are together, I laugh.”

Not a homerun, but considering my eyes had been dozing off two minutes before, I was pretty impressed with myself.

Step 8: The Prayer

Maybe these are just the parties I attend, but all occasions in my village require prayer and singing, and the familiar “Amahoro ya Christo” greeting (Peace of Christ). Like I said, it may just be the parties I attend. Celebrations call for cheerful songs of praise, which in turn call for cow arm dancing. Gabby and I are both trying to muster the courage to join in with the cow arms.

Step 9: The Group Photo(s)

This step takes place on a continuum. I am sure that there are hundreds of zoomed-in candids of me floating around the Rwandan WhatsApp atmosphere. Half of the purpose of events is to take photos and videos to document the occasion, whether you are a high school girl in America or a recent graduate and his proud family in Western Rwanda. This truly transcends.

Step 10: Getting Home

Every great party must come to an end - at some parties I wish for this more than others. After one party with the nuns, my village chief walked me home at around 10pm to find an armed soldier standing, patrolling the bottom of my hill. She grinned and said “good security”. Unclear if it made me feel better or worse about my little truck stop town.

After Justin’s party, the nuns and I skipped the after party, and headed to the bus stop to grab a bus home. Rwanda has a handful of transportation options - motos, taxis, twege buses and express buses. Express buses are considered “express” because they only stop at designated bus stops, and do not overcrowd like the twege buses do. On the way to the graduation ceremony, Beata and I took a twege due to lack of other options. We get in the front seat together, she buckles up, taking the only seatbelt, and I kid you not, takes a deep breath and does the sign of the cross. Manawe!

What they don’t tell you about express buses, is that they will not overfill or stop on the side of the road, unless it is for nuns and foreigners. Sometimes this privilege makes me feel really uncomfortable, and the men who work for the bus companies at my stop are all too familiar with me and my travel needs, and won’t overfill a bus for me. However, I was quickly shoved on this overcrowded bus, sharing a seat with another young man who was eager to practice his English. I was eager to get home and in bed. The nuns, who prioritized my spot on the bus, agreed to take motos and said they would see me at home. Suddenly, I hear giggling - Beata and Beanthilde have been squeezed into the space between the first jumper seat and the door, along with the man who worked for the bus company, and are uncontrollable giggling at the bus veered around the bends of the West. This spot is not usually acceptable for one person, let alone three. It was all part of the fun of the party!

---

After his graduation ceremony, I asked Justin if he was happy. I knew he was because he couldn’t stop grinning if he had tried. He responded yes, that he was very happy, “kubera ko waje”. Because you came.

It is so tempting to ignore or refuse invitations - the cultural and language barriers can be exhausting - but sometimes it is simply our job to show up.